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Cooking for one
By Ann | April 16, 2009
I wouldn’t have thought it was possible, but indeed it is. The blues can strike, even if you’re in Paris. Of course, in French, they call the blues “le cafard,” which means “cockroach” and is oh-so-elegantly Kafka-esque. Even depression is elegant in French.
Me, I’ve had “le cafard” ever since my husband, CK, left this morning, headed for Baghdad via Washington. He’ll be there for a year, with lengthy vacations every now and again. I’ll hold down the fort in Paris.
Of course, mes amis, no one knows like you do how much I love living in this city of light, how much joy I get from every day here. But today, I can’t quite stop the tears from welling up. So far, I’ve cried at the café, the library, and in front of our elderly neighbor. He should be angry at me because of the leak dripping from our apartment into his, but instead became concerned when he heard my news and saw my tear-filled eyes. “Will you come over and take a glass of wine with me and my wife from time to time?” he asked me. “Est-ce qu’on peut faire ça?”
(Side note: Today’s waterworks have almost definitely sealed my reputation as the crazy American.)
As you can imagine, I didn’t feel much like cooking today, and with leftovers in the fridge, I thought I wouldn’t have to. But when I opened the fridge door, there was Sunday’s roast chicken carcass staring at me, begging to be made into stock. It’s on the stove now, filling the apartment with a cozy, smell. It’s not quite enough to dissolve the lump in my throat, but as I stare at the gently bobbing carcass of my chicken, I keep thinking of the note that came with the bird. “Elevé en liberté,” it said, which really just means the chicken was free range. But what a charming way to describe it: Raised in liberty.
Little things like these make me remember why I love living in France. And they’re a reminder to keep my chin up, as the receptionist at the doctor’s office told me today (yes, I even cried there). My Parisian adventure is still continuing — it will just be a little different for a while. And luckily I have you, mes amis, to share it with.
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10 Responses to “Cooking for one”
Comments
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April 16th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Ann, I can’t imagine…So sorry.
April 16th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
il faut fracasser ce cafard, ma chére folle américaine…
April 17th, 2009 at 1:17 am
Thanks, guys. The first day had its ups and downs, but at least its over. And there’s the market today… nothing could cheer me up more than fresh vegetables!
April 17th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Hang in there Ann! I have spent a lot of time alone in France. Well, a year in 95-96 in Paris and 5 X summers (4-7 week stints). It beats being alone in the States by far though, I must say. My favorite Paris single activities? Bookstores, swimming, ciné in the afternoon, and dumb TV (l’amour est dans le pré, Nice People, or C’est du propre anyone?). Du courage!
April 17th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Stock is a great place to start. Try some spring vegetable risotto next, it reheats surprisingly well! Or do like I did a few weeks ago when my husband was in the States for a conference and make a huge tartiflette. I must have made 5 meals out of it! And nothing is more comforting than potatoes and cheese.
Also, I second the dumb TV recommendation.
April 17th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
One doesn’t have to be the loneliest number! A year might (just right this moment) feel like a long time, but I promise the days will soon gain some momentum. I know that you won’t let idle hands become the devil’s playthings, write a cookbook reflecting the year as a solo artist? I love when Habib travels for business which he does frequently. It gives me the time to really be care free, rest, relax, slug out on the sofa and appreciate all the good things in life…big and small. In the meanwhile, plan many mini-breaks or personal monthly deadlines from that master to do/wish list we spoke of in March! Much love.
April 20th, 2009 at 1:51 am
As I have learned the older we are the shorter the days. It is very difficult now and will be for the entire year. Oh, but you will cherish the great times together when we gets to have a break and you will remember those moments much more than the lonely ones down the road. I understand how you feel. Also, what you have written here is beautiful. Miss you guys.
April 20th, 2009 at 9:35 am
I have to say, being depressed in Paris has a romantic ring to it, but if crying makes us Americans look crazy, then I say, “bring on crazy”
because there’s nothing like crying to release to
toxins and make you feel a heck of alot better. Of
course, eating a bag full of macaroons sounds like a plan to me. There’s just no way to get around it, being seperated from the one you love is just plain painful! I’ll be sending good vibrations your way!
April 21st, 2009 at 2:27 am
Soon, we will see you in Washington and have at least a day or two to visit some art collections and break some bread together while mom and Chris are busy with their meetings. So, focus on next week … and the week after etc. June will be along and we’ll be just a chunnel ride away. Love you,
Dad
October 14th, 2009 at 3:50 am
i found your blog quite by chance this morning, and now browsing through the entries. this may come a little late (or maybe unnecessary) - have you heard of sunday supper chez jim haynes? read about him a lot lately, and that could be nice to avoid single dining blue.
also, my friends and i are planning to hit salon du chocolat on sunday morning. you’re welcome to join us if you haven’t already make plan to go there. just send me an email